You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
