how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
