That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
