question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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