She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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