did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
