LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
