I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
