We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
