I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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