Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
