I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
