yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
