bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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