At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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