Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
