Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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