I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
