dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I need to stop coming to work sober
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize