Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
