You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
