Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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