So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
