He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
