Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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