apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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