I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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