thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
