i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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