I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
