I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
