I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
