Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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