...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
