I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
