Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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