Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
