After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
