Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
