There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
God I need to hump something, right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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