I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
