In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
In America we eat man semen.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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