how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
