I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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