I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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