My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
