capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
