I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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