He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
