Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
