have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
