I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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