I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
