I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
