i just wanna soil my oats bro
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
