if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
