you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
