guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
