I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
