We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
