i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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