I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
