I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize