I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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