woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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