I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
