Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
