I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Found your dick twin last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
