Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
