Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize