Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
