we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
