i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
