Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
