best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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