You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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