Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
