I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
