why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
