Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize