he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
