We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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