Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
