when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
