guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
