apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
