rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
