dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
