So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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