No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
