there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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