If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
