Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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